So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
