If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
