Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
