Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize