guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
