bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
