i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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