Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There r osticjed everywhere
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
