but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
