A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
