So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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