Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
