I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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