My first STD was from a foam party
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
