I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
