i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
