I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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