I am puke
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
