I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
