my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
