it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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