Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
