after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
