Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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