i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
