And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
