I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize