when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
