God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
