honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
