Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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