you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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