one might say we're banned from that church
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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