I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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