if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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