Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
