the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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