we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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