It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
