I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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