Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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