forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just cropdusted the office
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
