we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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