On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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