I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
