i jhust puked up my retainher.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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