He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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