I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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