You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
