Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The air was thick with penises
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
