you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
