I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
