So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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