saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
