Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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