Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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