I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
