I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
