i barfeds in our rink
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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