We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
