I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
