Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
