The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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