The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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