Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
