If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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