Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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