The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
