I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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