so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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