Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
