I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
