nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
