u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
