so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
