I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
